is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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