Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
