She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
