as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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