One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
