Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
