Its about making memories worth repressing
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
