pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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