Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
