I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
