You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
