Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
