i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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