i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
