i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
