I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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