You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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