The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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