Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
