you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
