i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
