i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
