she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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