when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
