Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
