right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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