dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
