I cannot find my penis.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
