He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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