even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
