come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
