Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
