I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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