Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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