Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
