we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I sprained my soul last night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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