I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
