Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
