Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
