today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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