I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
