i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
