I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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