therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
