bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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