yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
