Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
