I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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