I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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