and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
