Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
