I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
