Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
