It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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