at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
